Where can you take a $3 Uber? If I took an Uber to my next door neighbor’s house it would be more than $3.

They’re not in any way associated with Amazon, as far as I know. But apparently they sell their customer data to them - and immediately.

My weirdest Amazon experience was when I went to Lowe’s and bought a drill bit and a pair of cabinet door hinges, and just looked at cabinet pulls for a minute or two - didn’t buy any or even pick any up. That night, Amazon recommended for me drill bits, cabinet door hinges … and cabinet pulls. I’m assuming that I got linked to in-store footage from Lowe’s, which is creepy but certainly not suprising.

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My favorite quote from this movie was “first rule of leadership, princess: everything is your fault!”

Brian Thompson looked pretty well-marbled for a CEO, to be fair. Cook 'im low, cook 'im slow.

That’s crazy talk. Your teeth aren’t part of your body or anything!

I actually really like short-format videos for recipes so you don’t have to watch somebody chopping onions for ten minutes. Also, Ronaldo highlights set to Brazilian phonk are kinda cool. Other than that, the format seems pretty worthless.

Well, I am a Prodigy at that sort of thing!

just because it’s innovative and disruptive to invent the machine gun doesn’t mean it’s good

That’s a great Maxim.

OP is unaware Logan’s Run was just a shitty movie - except for that open-sided dress, of course. Renew!

The penalty is usually a fine, which impacts stockholders by making the stock less valuable

Of course they can always compensate for this by firing a bunch of people.

Heh, according to the guy who sold me the house, he had to put the grey vinyl flooring in because of water damage from a portable AC unit.

grey vinyl flooring

I hate that shit even more than I hated the fake wood paneling and shag carpet of the '70s. I bought a house last year that had the grey vinyl flooring in the living room and I’ve tried my hardest to fuck it up during the renovation so I have to replace it, but unfortunately it holds up to extreme abuse pretty well.

Would you think those guys would know to do something about a dude on a roof with a rifle?

At my last company, they usually gave end-of-the-year bonuses instead of raises. They were pretty generous, usually amounting to about half of our annual salaries, but it of course prevented us from being guaranteed that level of compensation the following year. That’s why I always describe bonuses as raises followed by pay cuts.

I once quit my job at a software company I really hated. They were desperate to keep me around for the projects I was leading so they asked if I would work hourly for a while. I quoted them a go-fuck-yourselves hourly rate which they immediately agreed to, which made me even more angry about my prior years of poor compensation. I worked under this agreement for about half a year and further improved my effective hourly rate by not working very hard.

It’s funny how people who get their news exclusively from their Facebook feeds have never heard of Cambridge Analytica. I can’t imagine how that could happen.

I’m a school bus driver and I had to ban the singing of Christmas songs on my bus before Thanksgiving. Naturally the little bastards ignore this, just like they ignore my injunction against singing Taylor Swift songs. Thank god T-Swiffer has never done a Christmas album.

You misspelled “harvest” and “organs”.